At an academic conference last month, a staff member saw me standing by the information table and asked her fellow staff member, “Is this person being helped?” This is gender euphoria.
I told my mother I think I’m non-binary and she made sure to later sign my birthday card: You are the most phenomenal human being. This is gender euphoria.
A friend who doesn’t know yet I’m non-binary has been calling me his favorite human for years. This is gender euphoria.
At airport security or in line at the grocery store, I occasionally get ‘sir’ and even this is gender euphoria, if only because I’m not being read as female.*
For months now, I was concerned that because I am lucky enough not to experience dysphoria, that I couldn’t be non-binary. But I’ve been starting that list above (and hope to add more entries!) and have found that the moments I feel most comfortable with my body and my style and the way I’m perceived in the world is when I am a person and not fixed to womanhood.
This is just a short post to trust euphoria. Trust what feels good and makes you whole.
*I am still conflicted on these interactions. If only because I am still afraid that rather than embracing my gender, I am running from femininity. It’s the same way I have insisted for years when men hold the door open for me or attempt chivalry to “treat me like a person and not a woman”. But what does that say about how I perceive women? I’m afraid of my own internalized misogyny.